Gimme Back My Gorilla

"One of these mornings, you are going to wake up to the sound of your mother screaming her head off. When you run down the stairs, you will see a gorilla sitting on the couch and your mother completely freaking out over it. Your instinct will be to dash across the room and kill the gorilla, but beware. If you give in to that instinct, you will find that your mother will be angry with you. She doesn't want you to kill the gorilla. She might like the gorilla. What she wants is for you to give her a hug and tell her you understand her surprise at finding a gorilla on her couch. Then you can go outside and skateboard as your mom sits down on the couch to have coffee with the gorilla."

This story was relayed to my son and I during a family counseling session. At first reading, it may sound pretty silly, but on closer inspection, it answers the age-old question, "What is the difference between the way men and women think?" Substitute your husband, boyfriend, indeed, any man in your life in the place of the son in the story above. Substitute yourself in the place of the mother. Finally, substitute any problem you may have in the place of the gorilla.

Men have an innate desire to protect and fix problems. This is so deeply ingrained in them that they may not even realize they are doing it. Quite a few men also feel a sense of failure if they are unable to fix a problem. To keep from feeling this failure, they will ignore the "gorilla" and pretend it doesn't exist. In both instances, tension is created between man and woman. Women certainly don't want men to slay their gorillas, unless specifically asked to, and under no circumstance should our gorillas be ignored. When it comes to gorillas, men want to kill then; women want them to be acknowledged.

The gorilla story proved to be an invaluable tool in discussions with my other half. It is a silly story, which causes a humorous visual. In previous discussions, no matter how diplomatic or gentle I tried to be, he would become defensive and we would wind up fighting. By using the gorilla sotry, I was able to get my point across without threatening his masculinity (the male ego is fragile after all). Try the gorilla story yourself, and see if you don't get better results!

Now, when my other half tries to become my knight in shining armor, I just look at him and say "Hey bub, gimme back my gorilla!"